I was sitting at a coffee bar the other day. An elderly couple approached and sat next to me. We greeted with a slight smile. He went back getting their food. It was quite chilly in the room, so she decided to put on her jacket. Though, she has shaky hands, I could feel the struggle as she slowly moved her hands into the sleeves. I wanted to help but got held back by “what if she didn’t want to be helped?” or “would that make her look more vulnerable?”, so I stayed quiet. Soon he returned, with some warm soup and salad. He helped her with the other sleeve and fixed her collar, but the zipper seems to be difficult to slide up even for him. “Can I help?” I finally spoke, he smiled and offered me some space, I zipped it up quickly and sat back. They thanked me and asked where I’m from, so we chi-chatted a little. I always enjoyed chatting with the elders because they could give me different perspectives about life and a vibe of “nothing matters in the end, so just be grateful for what you have and be happy”, which was exactly what I needed during some downtime. She tried lifting the spoon with those unsteady hands, but it was impossible to reach back to her mouth without spilling the soup, so he took over the spoon, scooped again, and fed her slowly one bite after another patiently… Perhaps that’s the meaning behind “The beauty is always around us, all you need is the eyes to discover”.
Year 2022 seemed to be relatively slow-paced, which could be a sign of getting “old”. I use that as a joke sometimes, but isn’t it? Sometimes I would listen to some songs from high school or even primary school to bring back to golden old memories, or chat with friends about what games we used to play in the childhood. On the other hand, I could feel my energy and motivation hasn’t been as active as a few years ago:
- Don’t feel like running when needed to burn those fat off on my belly.
- Find all excuses for not being able to stretch the body when my neck and shoulder are in pain.
- Avoid thinking what would happen tomorrow and keep playing game pass the midnight, then the next day is filled with fatigue.
The fact is I know the problems, and I know how to solve them, but my mind refuses to do so. It’s even funnier that I was already warned by my mom a few years ago that I needed to do those exercises to keep healthy, but I was holding onto the “wish” that those bad things wouldn’t fall on me.
Enough pessimism about aging, there were plenty positive things that needed to be cherished and celebrated also in the past year:
- Spent more time with family
- Revisited/Explored some places: such as New York, Boston, Los Vegas, etc.
- Had a promotion at work (on my birthday coincidentally)
- Went to concert for the first time
- Dyed and permed hair for the first time
- Learned skateboard (basics) and tennis (though fails 9 out of 10 times)
Family:
I came across the saying, “we are always children in the eye of our parents no matter how old we are”, which I agree indeed whether how the love is delivered. The figure of parents used to be intimidating during childhood as they made up so many rules to limit our freedom, (though that could be biased to Asian parenting style), so the impression was always strict, serious, and restricted. Getting older, I gained more confidence and argued back sometimes. Later, I started to realize that they were just like us. Some of the parents even had to sacrifice their youths to make our life better. They weren’t always that strong and intimidating. They could be vulnerable and be the one who needs love also. Parents could be our “best friends” too. Maybe they are not as expressive about love in words, but they are there when you need it. The future is too unpredictable to not cherish the time with them when we could.
Travel:
Oddly, traveling doesn’t excite me as much. Or I shall say it depends on how much I could get out of it mentally. It could be meaningful if you explored something that gave you refreshing thoughts, messages, and feelings, which was one of the reasons I revisited Boston. Before that, I knew I needed some air outside of work and the same daily routine, so I decided to give myself some space to breath. And out of nowhere in my brain, I decided to do something out of ordinary: Visited a friend whom I met from a mobile game, which turned out to be great. Tipped 100% at a restaurant just to pretend how rich I was. Joking, to experience how it feels to be financially independent someday regardless of whether it could happen, plus the waitress was really nice so she deserved it. Also revisited Harvard University and some museums to absorb the intelligent and artistic air.
Gift:
Between Summer and Fall, besides the work promotion, life surprised me with another gift that I could share my journey with. Share the details about life, solve the problems together, and help each other get to know ourselves while getting to know each other. Look forward to more memories and adventures together.
The thoughts of the post were pretty sporadic, but in a nutshell if someone asks me, “2022 was slow but great!”
As to the new year resolutions, obviously health will need to be on the list, so definitely be more active physically, keep loving the people around me, stay hungry about business and technical knowledge, and learn to stay positive.
Finally wanted to share some resonant quotes that I collected from playing Genshin:
- It’s not the experience that matters, but how you interpreted it.
- There will always be annoying things in life, but we don’t want to leave regrets behind, do we?
- If someday, you are tired of the boring life, leave everything behind and take a walk out. Remember, don’t let life restrain you.
- The destination is not everything. So before you reach the end, keep your eyes open. Use the chance to take in the world around you…
Cheers to 2023, and excited to see what life could bring us next!
Junshuai Feng 